You might help him by repainting the bed room (with him) and changing furniture around and encouraging him to start to sort thru her things. (Better if their in-laws contributed to this, it is area of the grieving process)
Shanhun, i could know how you are feeling relating to this relationship and exactly why you will be wondering whether or not it’s a long-lasting future.
But I don’t think you might be, at all, wasting your time and effort using this guy, with him, you say you love him, and you can even imagine spending the rest of your life with him because you like being. Provided that the partnership has those aspects that are positive and it is satisfying in today’s, simply enjoy being with him. None of us understands just exactly how a certain relationship will come out in the foreseeable future, and also this one does not seem especially dangerous, or a bad bet.
It really is good that this guy liked their spouse, and that their memories of her, along with his marriage, are good people. Not merely does that declare that he’s perhaps perhaps maybe not saddled by plenty of shame and remorse and regret and conflict that is unresolved their spouse and wedding, it shows that his grieving process may be dramatically simpler and long than it may be if that are not the truth. This man actually liked being married–which will make him like to re-marry most likely sooner instead than later on. And, at this time, he could be thinking about you for the reason that respect.
He might just require more hours to totally break down the bonds of their very first wedding inside the very very very own brain and heart. He has to keep their pleased memories of their wife and wedding, but he does need certainly to displace their dedication and present sense of accessory from her to you personally. He does need certainly to begin to take her garments and footwear through the cabinet, and saving them or going for away, because having the ability to accomplish that, because painful since it is to accomplish, helps into the grieving procedure because it is a recognition of their changed truth, a recognition that her real existence in the life–and their bedroom–is over. It really is further recognition that their wedding is finished, and it’s really that recognition that can help him to think about another wedding without psychologically experiencing like he could be cheating on their wife.
It can seem similar to the sack has changed into a type of shrine to his wife–with all of the photos, her clothes, as well as her ashes. That can not perhaps allow you to feel at ease for the reason that space because you are enclosed by reminders of her and so is he. Several of those pictures of her should always be changed by pictures of you and by pictures of both you and also this guy together. Area into the wardrobe must be available to work with if you remain over often, or you like to start coping with him. He doesn’t always have to maneuver her out of their head and heart, but he literally needs to permit you the room to maneuver in, if he plans on continuing a life to you, and that is likely to include reducing regarding the size of the shrine.
I do believe you need to speak about these exact things with him, just with regards to the way you feel and without pressuring him way too much. If you need him to create some changes in that bedroom, and that means you do not constantly feel there was a threesome in here, allow him understand that. You aren’t asking him to eradicate her, or her spot or importance in their previous plus in their memories, you might be simply asking him to help make space you have for you in his current life, and that’s not an unreasonable request given the basically good relationship the two of. This relationship that is new room to grow–and you literally need space for the reason that room because of it to take place. Therefore, i do believe you must enhance the topic of assisting him to away pack her clothes, and maybe storing up a few of her pictures, or putting them within an record, and changing all of them with pictures regarding the both of you, perhaps on a single of this getaways you took together. Those pictures are element of the history the both of you are building as a few, and they’re one thing you both can connect with.
The recommendation another poster made about repainting the sack and doing a little bit of redecorating isn’t a bad concept.
It will be a task you might both work with to help make the room a unique location for you both. You might look for brand brand new bedding and drapes and window treatments, speak about the sorts of colors and habits you love, and then make it an available room both of you feel well in. If he could be ready to do those types of things, it might be another indicator of exactly how ready and able and prepared he could be to go into an innovative new chapter 
in their life. In the event that both of you are sooner or later in a position to transfer to a brand new destination, a spot that doesn’t include a lot of memories of their spouse, and a location that might be ”ours”, that would be better still, both for of you. But first we’d begin with simply making your existence felt for the reason that bedroom and wanting to tone down her existence significantly. Go on it one action at the same time.
So long as this relationship is great you see its future potential, I think you should hang in there for you in the present, and. You might be responsive to the actual fact that he’s nevertheless mourning a good loss, but his relationship to you can be assisting him to manage that loss by bringing one thing brand new, and ideally wonderful, into his life. Therefore, while an amount that is certain of may be needed in this case, I do not believe that should stop you against expressing your very own requirements or hoping to get those met. He has to realize your position as much as you must understand his–that’s how you will build a company foundation together.
Individuals usually have a tendency to remember beloved partners as more perfect than these people were, and there’s no damage for the reason that. Be delighted for him that their memories are such good ones–and allow him realize that. Be pleased that he feels loved by you as well for him that he had love in his life before, and let him know you want to make sure. Their dead spouse just isn’t in competition to you, she aided to allow him discover how good wedding could be for him, so in retrospect he’s chatting of marrying once more. She took care of him in past times, and assisted in order to make him the guy at this point you love. She’s more your buddy than your rival. Think of that.